A Confession I Never Planned to Make Public

I should probably admit something that, for a long time, only a handful of people around me really understood. I didn’t like Christmas. Not just in a small, “I prefer Thanksgiving” sort of way, but in a deeper, more reflexive sense. Every year, when the decorations came out at church or at home, I would make some offhand comment about the holiday, or sigh louder than I meant to, and my coworkers would give me that look—the look that said, Mike… really?

They never actually said anything to me, but I’m sure they were all wondering. This made it quite humorous (if you will), because I never spoke publicly about these feelings; it was simply something the people closest to me quietly noticed, year after year.

My Unexpected Grinch Origin Story

I used to joke that I had a little Grinch in me. But it wasn’t really a joke. I eventually realized I had a kind of Grinch origin story of my own. Nothing dramatic. Just a few sad Christmases that left their mark in ways I didn’t fully appreciate at the time. When enough of those stack together, the season starts feeling heavier than it should. And I suppose I learned, less consciously, to brace myself as December approached.

There I was… a pastor who did not enjoy the holiday he preached through every year. It’s strange typing that out, but it’s the truth. I handled it quietly, out of habit. I kept the sermons faithful, the tone warm, the public face steady, but behind it all there was this tightening in my chest as the season drew near. I know that sounds overly dramatic, but that’s honestly how it felt.

How Becoming a Parent Shifted My Perspective

Things shifted when I became a parent. I wish I could say the transformation was instant, that the first time I held JoJo under Christmas lights everything changed. In reality, it was more subtle and a little uneven. Seeing the season through her eyes softened something in me… I couldn’t hold on to cynicism as tightly when she was marveling at things I’d grown numb to.

But instead of truly embracing the meaning of Christmas, I overcorrected. I went all-in on the decorations, the gift-buying, the traditions. Almost like I was trying to make up for all the years I’d been distant from it.

When Holiday Busyness Becomes a Counterfeit Savior

This created another form of exhaustion. There is a false sense of productivity in being busy, and even in a twisted way, it can be considered a form of holiness. However, it is simply noise disguised as purpose. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had moved from disliking Christmas to idolizing the wrong aspects of it.

And that is where many of us ultimately end up, regardless of whether we have a personal Grinch story or not. We do not anticipate the weight of the season. The pressures of making memories, attending every function, saying yes to every invitation, getting the perfect photo, and keeping joy artificially high—all of these combine to create a tremendous amount of pressure. Before we know it, Christmas Day has arrived, and we are exhausted from having sprinted through the entire season.

Why Advent Matters More Than We Realize

That is why Advent is so important. Advent disrupts the normal pace of life that we have learned to accept. Advent asks us to slow down, to observe, to wait. Advent provides a space for the jumbled thoughts of cynicism, desire, exhaustion, and hope.

When Isaiah writes,
“The people who walk in darkness
Will see a great light” (Isaiah 9:2),
he is not writing a holiday greeting card. He is referencing the sorrow of a nation that has waited for centuries. That is what Advent is supposed to remind us of: God speaks into real darkness… not the staged darkness of the pictures we take.

The Four Advent Themes That Changed My Heart

1. Hope

Hope appears first, not the wishful type, but a grounded hope built upon God’s promises.

2. Peace

Next comes peace, not the absence of stress, but the presence of the One who quiets the hearts of those who worry.

3. Joy

Then joy develops, not from festivities or gifts, but from God Himself who multiplies joy in His people.

4. Love

Finally comes love, the kind of love that quietly enters and transforms everything gradually, consistently, and dependably.

How Advent Helped Me Rediscover Christmas

Over time, Advent re-taught me how to view Christmas. It allowed me to untangle past disappointments without pretending they never occurred. It prevented me from letting busyness define the season. And most importantly, Advent gave me back something I didn’t realize I had lost: the ability to wonder.

I’m no longer the Grinch of the church staff. I still chuckle when I remember the looks my coworkers used to give me. Instead of dreading December or drowning myself in activities, I’m starting to learn to approach the season as Christ did: slowly, intentionally, and gently.

A Slow Heart Is a Ready Heart

Perhaps that is why I’m writing this. To convey that if even the pastor who previously did not enjoy Christmas can find his way back to the beauty of Advent, there’s certainly room for others to stop this year and catch their breath.

Either way, Christmas is coming. But the heart that stops to slow down during Advent is the one prepared to receive it.